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http://canadexico.com

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The Public Reaction

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The Public Reaction New Poll: 84% of Voters Can’t Find "Canadexico" on a Map, Fully Support It Anyway

NATIONWIDE — A stunning new poll released by the Institute for Geopolitical Exhaustion reveals that an overwhelming majority of the population is ready to fully embrace the Canadexico merger, despite having absolutely no idea what or where it is.

The data shows that 84% of registered voters across all demographics are “highly enthusiastic” about the immediate integration of the two distant nations, purely because they are “too tired to argue about the alternative.”

“I don’t care if we’re sharing a border with the Arctic Circle or the Pacific Ocean at this point,” said local resident Arthur Pendelton, who was polled while staring blankly at a grocery store receipt. “Does Canadexico mean I don’t have to watch another three-hour televised debate about immigration quotas? Yes? Then I’m voting for it. Paint the whole map red and green. Just fix it.”

The poll also noted that 92% of respondents expressed deep appreciation for the new national flag design, citing the fact that “the dripping paint look accurately represents how our brains feel after reading the news for five minutes.”

Analysts predict that if Canadexico were to appear on a ballot tomorrow, it would win in a historic landslide, driven entirely by voters who have collectively decided that absolute absurdity is preferable to reading another press release.

🚨 VOTE FOR ABSURDITY. WEAR THE GRAPHIC. Join the 84% of people who have given up on geography but refuse to give up on style. Get your print-ready Canadexico gear now—available in ultra-soft tees, mugs, and durable die-cut stickers.

[ Shop the Official Collection Here ]

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The Bureaucratic Confusion

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The Bureaucratic Confusion Leaked Memo: Government Officials Mistake Ottawa for Oaxaca, Decide to Merge Anyway

THE CAPITAL — A shocking, heavily redacted memo leaked from an anonymous bureaucratic printer this morning suggests that the entire “Canadexico” geopolitical initiative began because an intern misspelled an automated calendar invite.

According to the documents, a high-level summit originally intended to discuss routine agricultural trade instead resulted in the total conceptual merger of Canada and Mexico after attendees spent three days confusing the cultural significance of poutine and mole sauce.

“By day two, nobody wanted to admit they didn’t know which country they were drafting policies for,” the anonymous whistleblower reported. “Someone brought a flag that looked a bit like Italy but with dripping paint, someone else brought a megaphone, and by Friday night, we had accidentally dissolved three major international treaties and combined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with the Federales.”

Rather than issuing a correction and facing public embarrassment, committee leadership reportedly decided it would be “much less paperwork” to simply run with the mistake and forge ahead with a brand-new super-nation.

“At this point, reversing the memo would require filling out Form 804-B in triplicate,” the leaked document concludes. “It is the official stance of this committee that Canada and Mexico are basically the same distance away anyway, so who cares? Just sign it.”

🚨 CHOOSE COMFORT OVER BUREAUCRACY When the politicians don’t know where they are, it’s time to make yourself comfortable. Check out the official print-ready Canadexico collection—because if the system is melting down, your wardrobe shouldn’t be.

[ Shop the Official Collection Here ]

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The Logistics Nightmare

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The Logistics Nightmare Department of Transportation Unveils Plan for 3,000-Mile "Canadexico Interstate Highway" Bypass

OTTAWA-OAXACA — In a joint press conference that left civil engineers weeping openly, newly appointed officials from the hypothetical Department of Geopolitical Efficiency unveiled blueprints for Interstate CX-1: a continuous, high-speed bypass designed to connect Toronto directly to Tijuana.

The ambitious infrastructure project aims to bypass the “middle section of the continent entirely,” routing traffic through a complex series of subterranean tunnels and hyper-elevated sky-bridges over what officials repeatedly referred to as “the complicated part.”

“Look, the current map has too many steps,” said a spokesperson, gesturing to a whiteboard where a straight line had been aggressively drawn with a green dry-erase marker. “By merging the supply chains of Maple Syrup and Avocado Toast into a singular, frictionless corridor, we cut out the bureaucratic middleman. Drivers will be able to clear customs in Montreal and not have to stop until they hit the Yucatan.”

When asked by reporters how the highway would handle existing state borders, sovereign property rights, or basic laws of physics, the spokesperson sighed heavily, rubbed their temples, and replied, “Look, we don’t have time for your narrow-minded geographic technicalities. We just want it fixed.”

Construction is tentatively scheduled to begin as soon as someone finds a tape measure long enough.

🚨 EXHAUSTED BY THE HEADLINES? Don’t let the logistics give you a headache. Wear the movement instead. Grab your official, high-resolution Canadexico Campaign Tee or Die-Cut Sticker today and join the silent majority who just want to redraw the map entirely.

[ Shop the Official Collection Here ]

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